There’s been a time at least once in our lives where we were curious about one of our friend’s sexuality. We would then ask them if they were straight, gay, bi or pan… right? But have you ever asked them if they were asexual? Some of you may be thinking, what do you mean by asexual? Well, being asexual can be defined as a person who lacks sexual attraction to others or has little to no sexual attraction to others. Well, why don’t people ask our friends if they are asexual? It’s because asexuality doesn’t get much exposure and is not represented much within the media, news, social media, TV shows and movies. Lots of people have never even hear of the word ‘asexuality.’ This is the main reason why people don’t ask, it’s not because they don’t want to ask or are being disrespectful, it’s because the lack of knowledge of asexuality they have.
During my life in high school, sex was a dominant topic of discussion. Boys in my year would mention their private parts everyday to other boys and would make sexual comments and jokes about the things they wanted to do to some of the girls in my year. The comments were a bit extreme and degraded and devalued girls to a point where they would speak about them like they were objects, slaves or a prize to be won. The sexualising of females by males in my year was atrocious and absolutely disrespectful. The worse part about this was the fact that they wanted to do everything they actually said. No exaggerating. This mindset by the boys in my year made me feel they were sex crazed machines. This was “normal” behaviour for them. They craved sex and had all sorts of urges and desires they wanted to fulfil. Most of the boys watched porn and masturbated to it. These boys enjoyed looking at nudity and people performing sexual acts with each other. They wanted to have sex and couldn’t wait to lose their virginity (well that what they said). They would say to their friends “you’re going to die a virgin.” This was used as an insult. I never found it insulting but I found it annoying that everyone is expected to have sex in the future or desire sex.
I was one of the only boys who would avoid any sex-related conversations. I was the only boy who was open about finding sex disgusting and wanted absolutely no part of it. I never had any sexual desires towards any people. I would tell my friends that I wanted to stay a virgin my entire life. I also never watched porn. I was repulsed of the idea of sex. I couldn’t imagine looking at another naked person whilst also being naked and rubbing or inserting my private part on to theirs and bodily fluids being released on or in each other’s bodies. This thought was not pleasant at all. I was treated pretty well regardless of how I viewed sex. I didn’t really get any criticism or bullying for it. My friends would just say “oh, it’s Branden.” They would treat me like I’m innocent and more angelic than them. There was this one time where my friend asked me if he could search something on my phone, I gave him permission. He ended up searching porn but deleted it from the browsing history. I believe he wanted to see if I watched it because there can’t be a person so innocent and repulsed by sex that much, right? Well wrong. There are people such as myself. I was a bit angry at him but I didn’t say anything. It’s crazy to think that the stigma that every boy watches porn, masturbates and or wants to have sex in the future still holds strong in the minds of many people including males themselves and many males will argue with you if you say you have never done or want any of the three at least once. Another time someone asked me if I have ever masturbated, I replied no but they just said I was lying. What is the point in asking if you are just going to be ignorant and not believe me?
There was this one time during an Information Process and Technology class session which always took place in a room full of computers. My friend was watching a video of a girl twerking (she was clothed). I said yuck out loud to the video. My other friend looked at me and said what do you mean yuck? He said when you’re older, how are you going to see your wife naked? I told him that’s disgusting, I want to stay a virgin my whole life. His face was in shock and started to tell other year 12 students in my class. Another time he showed me a picture of a female on google images and asked me if wanted her to reveal her breast. I honestly thought it was a joke but he was dead serious. I said no, I wouldn’t want to see that and rather her cover it up. He was shocked at the answer. It felt that he had the same expectations for all boys. One the boys in that class actually asked me what my sexuality was. He said he can’t picture me ‘liking’ boys or girls. I told him I don’t know. Well he ended up being right. I didn’t feel any sexual or even romantic attraction to either gender.
Throughout high school, I had learnt what boys expect and what they want to hear. I have learnt that they can be very ignorant at times and won’t believe a boy can actually not want sex. I was that one exception where the males in my year accepted and believed everything I had said. It felt great to be a male representative of a non-sexual. During 2019, I had found out about the term asexuality and researched it. I started to label myself as asexual and have been extremely open to my friends about it and have educated them on the facts about asexuality and my own personal asexuality traits and feelings. I have ordered asexual shirts, an asexual bracelet and an asexual necklace. Ever since then, I wear them to represent my asexuality and have even joined multiple asexual Facebook groups. I have tried my best to give asexuality the most exposure I possibly can. I feel special being asexual as it is quite rare especially for males.
Family members have said to me you don’t really know you are asexual unless you have tried sex, it’s because I’m still a virgin or even you will meet a girl who will change you. I have heard people tell me I’m still too young, that I was lying, I’m missing out, I wouldn’t be asexual if a girl touched me down there. I KNOW, these comments are outrageous and very disrespectful, and whose to say if I did have sex it would be with a girl. I have read comments on YouTube replying to my opinions such as
“Biological asexuality is impossible for humans and it’s just a behavioural choice,” “We weren’t born normal”
“Asexuality is an illness and we have to see the doctor”
“It is 100% abnormal to not feel sexual desire as a human”
“Asexuality is anti-nature”
“There is definitely something abnormal in your biology”
“Is there any studies into you guys. There has to be something wrong with your biology in some way. LOL. Did you go through puberty?
“You obviously haven’t experienced sexual emotions before.”
“Don’t act as though you are superior to others due to your sexual orientation. How can you say sex is disgusting when your perception comes from the media? You probably don’t even truly know what it is.”
Crazy, right? I don’t let these comments get to me as I know how I truly feel. No matter what, there is always going to be negativity in our lives when we have self-discovery, but remember you only know how you feel and should be proud and happy with who you are. I feel proud to be asexual and I will try my best to avoid the negativity and live through my positive emotions as an asexual and try to represent it the best I can with my asexual merchandise and educate others on it. Well what do you think? Could a male actually not be interested in sex and repulsed by it? Is this a myth or is this a fact?
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