Around 1% of the world's population is asexual.
One day as I was is the shower feeling incredibly lonely, my train of thought passed through Asexual Station. “How many people are actually asexual?” I asked myself as it popped into my head. I bitterly replied to myself, “Probably about one percent.” This thoroughly made me depressed and afterwards as I moped on my bed scrolling through Facebook, I saw a post which said:
1% of the global population is estimated to be asexual.
I chuffed, feeling even worse for a moment before I continued reading on. 1% of the world's population of 7.6 billion is 76 million. It’s estimated that there are three times as many asexuals in the world than there are people in my country. I cried. Not because I felt bitter or lonely but because I felt more connected and like I belong, more than I had ever felt before.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation akin to heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality and pansexuality. It is a lack of sexual desire or attraction, or little to no interest in sexual activity. Asexuality is not a form of abstinence or celibacy as it is not a behavioural act or a conscious choice. It is an orientation.
The asexual spectrum covers many different types of people with many different types of asexuality, such as asexuals, aromatics, graysexuals, demisexuals, abrosexual, fraysexual, cupiosexual, lithosexual, placiosexual, ageosexual and many more that falls under this Umbrella.
People who can kiss and those who can't. people who can have sex under certain circumstances or with a certain person or not at all. Some asexuals can like sex or sexual/romantic fantasies or masturbation or don't care for it at all. Some want romantic relationships and others don't. Everyone has specifications, ones that can change or differ, and that perfectly okay. Asexuality is an Umbrella community where people can feel safe and make connections with other people like them.
Asexuality is not a form of abstinence or celibacy as it is not a behavioural act or a conscious choice.
I always knew I was queer, so does anybody else who knows me, but I didn't bother finding my label for a long time.
At first I thought was I just a late bloomer sexually and that I was going through the physical side of puberty and the mental side would just catch up later. And so through high school I played along as a straight female because that was “normal" and I didn't have any obvious feelings not to be. I spent my time with straight male friends who would sometimes declare me as their girlfriend and I would go along with it until they changed their mind declaring that we have broken up. We would then go back to normal as it was before I was their girlfriend.
Near the end of my school years, my home situation changed a lot and I tried to hang on to those friends by giving them what I thought they wanted, what society taught me straight men care about the most. More than just my platonic love for them, I tried to give them my body in some futile attempt to stay friends but it just wasn't something I could do even for the people I loved most. That was the first time I really registered that something was off.
More than just my platonic love for them, I tried to give them my body in some futile attempt to stay friends but it just wasn't something I could do even for the people I loved most.
I became an adult and realized that it was odd for someone to not masturbate, watch porn, hooking up with strangers, or doing all the sexual things that most people do. I started doing some research and that was when I first discovered Asexuality. However under the advise of others, I held off acknowledging it temporary whilst I worked off the usual 'You're not asexual' reasons. You know the ones:
- You haven't even tried it
- Once you do it you will like it
- Once you meet the right person
- You're probably just doing it wrong
- Maybe you're just (insert different branch of asexuality that means I would still be able to sleep with them)
- It's just a phase
I've been to a brothel, made out with strangers, experimented with various masturbatory methods, and continued letting the 'one-sided-relationships-with-non-asexual-people-that-decided-I'm-their-girlfriend' happened all to gain enough experience to be valid or to somehow find the key person or the thing that will “fix” me. I've had relationships with men and with women, tried sex and internet dating, watched porn and have been groped more times than I can count. I'm always up for anything once, but that's just the type of person I am. Now that I've had my taste, I don't care for it. I'm going to label my queerness and no one can stop me.
I am valid and I know it. I am not broken even though I may feel it. I am asexual.
Written by Cheyenne Woolley
Cheyenne Woolley is a genderqueer panromantic asexual who is a proud parent of two beautiful cats. They spend their free time cuddling, contemplating and binging Netflix. Their favorite things are books, animals and food.
Cheyenne has recently done an interview Asexual-Aces.com which can be found here.
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