Posted on September 12 2020
A love for dance, music, makeup, fashion, painting and styling. Endlessly inspired by different creative mediums, I think I unknowingly inherited this from my cousin who is like a brother to me because he lived with my family from such a young age. He will probably cringe at me saying this, but he directly inspired me from an early age with his creative nature in all different aspects of life. When he came out as gay, my mother and I weren’t exactly shocked, it was pretty obvious to me when he owned more barbie dolls than I, designed and made dresses, danced around the house, painted my face with makeup to do photoshoots and never really found an interest in girls. His sexuality didn’t trouble my mother nor me, but some of our extended family members lacked understanding and it was a really hard time for him. Over time these family members have now come around and accepted it. From the start I always understood that part of him, but I had never really questioned that part of myself.
For me the perfect relationship looked like a cis man and cis woman falling in love, getting married, buying a house and settling down with kids. True love forever and ever, you know the perfect fairy tale! My relationships up until a year ago were with males, the first relationship was for three years and the second was two years. After my last relationship ended, I started to question myself in all areas of life. Whilst beginning to figure out who I really was at the core I started to question my sexuality for the first time. Questions came to mind like ‘Why do I want to kiss that girl?’ ‘Maybe I am interested in girls and guys?’ ‘Am I interested in men due to the constructed norm that society has written up for me?’ ‘Am I gay? No, I can’t be!’ Confused, I researched and read through definitions of different types of sexualities. Up came Bisexuality: “Romantic, sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity...” Learning the B word… bisexual’ was when everything transformed for me.
Curious after connecting with the definition, I decided I would go on a date with a girl! The first date was to an art gallery with a girl from my area, she was absolutely lovely, but I didn’t feel like we could be anything more than friends. Disheartened, I wondered if girls were only friends to me and if I would ever feel romantic towards them. I never make my mind up on just one try, I always try a second time, so I decided to give another date with another girl a chance. Immediately it felt right, I was extremely attracted to her physically with a strong connection to her mentally. I was shocked at how well the first date was going. The hours had passed all of a sudden and the next thing I knew we were saying our goodbyes. Before we parted ways, she asked “can I kiss you?”, “Yes, you can!” I replied. We kissed. She nervously turned around and started pacing the opposite way towards her train as I began walking to my car with a cheek to cheek smile that remained for my entire hour and a half drive home. We continued to go on dates. We fell in love. We are now girlfriend and girlfriend.
The huge “coming out” story for me wasn’t a huge one at all. It was quite literally me making coffee in the kitchen, fully dressed up, ready to leave for my date.
“Where are you going? you look hot babe!”, my mother commented.
“On a date!”, I replied.
“Oh! What is his name?” she asked.
“Why do you assume it’s a boy? I am going on a date with a girl!”, I replied.
She responded, “oh yay okay! well, have fun!” and that was that.
I acknowledge that not everyone gets to have such an easy and validating “coming out” experience. I do believe that my cousin demolished those walls with distant family members in our early upbringing, they would have been extremely hard to tear down. I am grateful that I was raised in such an encouraging environment. My parents always say, “you do whatever you want to do, we don’t care, as long as you are happy, we are happy”. It is freeing and inspiring to know that whatever I do my parents support me. I believe everyone deserves that level of validation, love, acceptance and support in their life whether that be from themselves, their parents, their family or their friends.
Since identifying as bisexual and being open about it to family, friends and others, it has been a contrasting experience. Positive, affirming comments from some people as well as comments from others such as “you won’t be into girls forever, you will settle down with a man”, “what’s with all these young ones being bisexual, is it cool now?”, “why can’t you just pick one and be happy?” and “you don’t look like you are gay!”…these kind of comments and/or questions are really not okay and need to be put to rest. Bisexuality is not a phase or a fad. Bisexual people are not “indecisive”. Bisexuality isn’t “easier”, it comes with its own set of struggles. Bisexual people do not suddenly become straight or homosexual when they are in a relationship. Love is love.
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