With the recent popularity in joining dating sites such as Tinder, Bumble and E-Harmony, it is not difficult to quickly find a potential date or hookup at the swipe of your fingertips. Be that as it may, if this sounds absolutely unappealing to you (and not on the grounds that, well, internet dating can at times suck), it might turn out to be that you're demisexual.
According to Asexual Visibility and Education Netowrk (AVEN), a demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.
Demisexuality is within the asexuality spectrum. In case you're unfamiliar with asexuality, it's also defined by AVEN as "someone who does not experience sexual attraction." As indicated by Asexuality.org, as a general rule, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anybody of a particular sex; in any case, when they are connected emotionally with another person (regardless of whether the connection is of romantic love or profound friendship), they feel sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the particular person or partner they have connected with.
Meryl Williams, a Washington Post writer wrote a piece about finding her own sexuality and what life was like being a 'demisexual' recently. In her story explaining what this means to her, Williams wrote: 'In my dating life, I've often described my sexuality as 'taking a while to warm up.'
'Years ago, I would feel guilty for frustrating the people I was dating. I didn't want to feel as if I needed to explain to people why I wasn't ready to be intimate… I generally put intellect and sense of humor over how 'attractive' someone is.
'If a guy doesn't say anything offensive and makes me laugh on a first date, I'll probably go on a second. Still, I know that a person's positive attributes don't necessarily guarantee that a physical attraction will follow. I just have to be patient and see what happens.'
If you feel that you can identify with being demisexual, here are 5 signs to look out for:
You appreciate sex however an emotional connection must first be made
Unlike asexuals who are repelled by sex, demisexuals have to first develop a strong emotional connection before they hit the sheets. That’s not to say you don’t enjoy sex, but the physical act holds significantly less importance than, say, intellectually stimulating conversations.
Emotional bonds are vital
Your sense of satisfaction is derived from emotional intimacy which comes about via the sharing of personal feelings and emotion as well as personal experiences. What makes you open up is trust, open communication and the emotional connection.
Since sex isn't the most critical thing in the agenda, it doesn't mean you loath it. Most of the time, sexual gratification can come from masturbation and when it comes to physical pleasure, you may not see the need of another person.
Looks are for the most part not essential.
For the vast majority, looks — while perhaps not the most vital aspect of a relationship — are critical to some capacity. In any case, for demisexuals, physical appearance is a non-factor. Demisexuals are attracted to personalities as oppose to how one looks, and are far more interested in making real emotional connections based on similar interests than anything else.
You've been known as "sexually conservative."
If the people around you have called you "conservative" or chide you for being "old fashioned" with regards to sex and dating, it could be a result of your demisexuality. Demisexuals aren't typically oozing with sexuality and aren't generally intrigued by one-night-stands (on the grounds that once more, they have to know somebody well enough before feeling a strong attraction).
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Like every single sexual orientation, one isn't preferred or more substantial over the other.
There's a major motivation behind why the LGBTIQA+ acronym continues to develop and grow, and that is on the grounds that individuals are starting to comprehend the intricate nature of sexuality itself.
No one else's opinions matter, except of your own. Understanding and accepting your own sexuality and being aware how that affects your life is challenging enough without the so called "guidance" from others. Remain true to yourself and understand that other people’s opinions and assessments shouldn’t take precedence over your own.
Regardless of whether you identify as a pansexual, non-binary, demisexual or asexual, the most important thing is to be better educated about the different scope of sexual orientations, and together as a society we will begin to accept and celebrate each other's differences.
Bringing about awareness can also start from your wardrobe. At Rainbow Roo, we have a variety of t-shirts that you can wear with Pride so come join us if you like to support what we are doing in bringing awareness towards understanding and creating a dialogue about demisexuality.
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